Have HTL in your Marriage

We didn't have a super fancy wedding but it was a wonderful wedding to say the least. It was truly the greatest moment of my life. The wedding day is always exciting. There is a lot of joy, fairy tale emotions, and lots of butterflies. Yet married life is not always lots of joy, fairy tale emotions, and butterflies. The wedding day is enjoyable but it's only the beginning of a life long commitment. What happens if your handsome husband or your beautiful wife gets on your nerves? What happens when there is the major first disagreement? What happens if you don't feel it anymore? Do you give up those vows you made on the wedding day? How do you keep yourself committed when the dark days come? You made vows. You can't quit. "What God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matt. 19:6).

I praise God that we haven't experienced any dark days. So far marriage has been so wonderful, but I think about this now so that I'm prepared to fulfill my rule as a husband and sacrificially love my wife with everything I got. So what does it take to be committed to your spouse through the good and the bad? The sermon on our wedding day will always be stuck in my mind and is fitting for this question. The pastor said that you have to remember three letters, HTL. It's an acronym meaning, Honesty, Trust, and Love. We must be consistent in being honest with our spouse, trusting our spouse, and loving our spouse. If we do that consistently, and repent when we are inconsistent, then the marriage will last a life-time. Let's look at each one in order for us to ask ourselves, "Our we consistent in these three areas?"

H - Honesty: It's said that honesty is the best policy, and this is true especially for marriage. One little lie can cause tension in a relationship, even a small seemingly harmless lie. If you cannot be honest in every little thing, then you will not be honest when the big things come up. Honesty keeps your spouse close, keeps them confident in your word, and it makes them want to kiss you. Proverbs 24:6 says, "Whoever gives an honest answer kisses the lips." Honesty is like a kiss. Kisses from your spouse are desirable. It is an expression of great intimacy between you. Honesty is the exact same way. It is an expression of your closeness, and always keeps you intimate. When lies come, closeness begins to fade. How can you stay close when you begin to hide things from your husband or wife? You can't. When you lie, you hide some of yourself from your spouse. It's that simple. When you begin to hide yourself, of course there will be a mental, emotional, and spiritual separation. See, the Proverbs also says, "A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends." (16:28). Dishonest husbands or dishonest wives spread strife, the opposite of peace. Most importantly, dishonesty is sin against God. Proverbs 12:22 says it this way, "Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord." So give kisses (honesty) to your spouse. Create peace between you, not strife. Create intimacy, not separation. Most of all, be a delight to God by acting faithfully (Proverbs 12:22).

T- Trust: Trust goes with honesty. It's hard to trust someone who is not honest. Yet we must be able to trust our spouse. This is especially true in a long-distance situation. If there is no trust, a long-distance relationship will never work. You will always be second guessing your spouse. So we have to be honest in order to make trust easier. God says of the honorable wife, "The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain" (Proverbs 31:11). He trusts her when she is going somewhere, when she is working, when she is spending money, when she is with the children, the husband trusts his wife with everything. The same goes for the wife trusting her husband. This is why when there is unfaithfulness it hurts so bad. "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones" (Proverbs 12:4). When there is shaming, dishonesty, cheating,or anything unfaithful, it rots the bones. This is true if a man is unfaithful to his wife or if a woman is unfaithful to her husband. In today's language we would say. "It shatters the heart." So be faithful, make it easy to be trustworthy, and trust one another. That way there is no rotten bones or shattered hearts.

L- Love: This is the most important one. Honesty and trust flow from a heart full of love. Many times in our culture love is only described as a feeling, but that is not love. Love is caring for the person that you have committed yourself to as you would care for yourself. This means acting in the best interest of the other person. The Bible puts it this way, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves" (Philippians 2:3). Selfishness is the reason for all divorces. When you care about yourself more than you care about your spouse war happens. Yet if husband and wife are pouring their lives out for one another, if the one's happiness is the other's happiness, then peace happens. "husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (Ephesians 5:28). When you get married, you become one flesh. Her body is your body, her happiness is your happiness, and her good is your good. The same applies for wives. When a husband is sacrificially loving his wife, then his wife will willingly submit to him and let him lead. A wife is to submit to the leadership of her husband, that is part of loving him (Ephesians 5:22). Yet the husband should be making that easy for her by loving her as he should. When husband and wife love each other as they should, they are emptying themselves of self, and yet they are being filled up by each other. It is a beautiful thing.

Honesty, Trust, And a love that only comes from God is the only way to last in your marriage through the good and the bad. Love from God being the foundation of it all. Do you practice these things in your marriage? If you are not married yet, learn these things now for your future. Read, Share, contact us.

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